10 Downing Street
London SW1

Dear People of the United Kingdom

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.

Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your local MP. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

Gordon Brown

No related posts.

For non- Engineers:

This is Sinusoidal Motion

But Trained Engineers

Know This As Harmonic Motion

However To My Trained Engineering Eye
This is Classic S inusoidal & Harmonic Motion?

I Like to Keep 'A Breast' Of All Classic Mathematical and Engineering Problems

No related posts.

To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities we have conducted intensive behavioural studies to devise appropriate procedures for their use.

Please read the procedures which apply to you and remember them for
when you use our new machines for the first time.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Wind down your car window.

3. Insert card and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Wind up window.

7. Drive away.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine.

3. Re-start the stalled engine.

4. Wind down the window.

5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto the passenger seat to locate card.

6. Turn the radio down.

7. Attempt to insert card into the cash machine.

8. Open car door to allow easier access to the cash machine due to the excessive distance from the car.

9. Insert card

10. After "Invalid Card' is displayed? Remove Marks & Spencer Charge Card and Insert correct Cash Point Card.

11. Remove Cash Point Card.

12. Re-insert Cash Point Card the right way up.

13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

14. Enter PIN.

15. Press 'Cancel' and re-enter correct PIN.

16. Enter amount of cash required.

17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.

18. Retrieve cash and receipt.

19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.

20. Place receipt in back of cheque book.

21. Re-check make-up.

22. Drive forward 2 metres.

23. Reverse back to cash machine.

24. Retrieve card.

25. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the slot provided.

26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

27. Drive for 2-3 miles.

28. Release hand brake

No related posts.

Negotiations concluded

In this country, we would block off the street, take 12 hours to talk him out of it, spend $5 million giving him a fair trial, and pay his food and lodging for life.

No wonder their products are cheaper than ours.

No related posts.