I could have sworn I hit the brake pedal!
Car upside down in the bay - see guy standing on it?
Call out the breakdown truck!

Coming back up...coming...coming

Coming...almost there!

Ooops!

I  could have sworn I set the brakes on that truck!
Time to get a bigger crane!


Ok, we got the car...let's get the  other truck now!

O...O...oohhh No!!
Who's gonna explain this  one to the insurance guys?
SEE..your day has not been so bad after all...
One question:  How did they get that one out?

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To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities we have conducted intensive behavioural studies to devise appropriate procedures for their use.

Please read the procedures which apply to you and remember them for
when you use our new machines for the first time.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Wind down your car window.

3. Insert card and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Wind up window.

7. Drive away.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine.

3. Re-start the stalled engine.

4. Wind down the window.

5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto the passenger seat to locate card.

6. Turn the radio down.

7. Attempt to insert card into the cash machine.

8. Open car door to allow easier access to the cash machine due to the excessive distance from the car.

9. Insert card

10. After "Invalid Card' is displayed? Remove Marks & Spencer Charge Card and Insert correct Cash Point Card.

11. Remove Cash Point Card.

12. Re-insert Cash Point Card the right way up.

13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

14. Enter PIN.

15. Press 'Cancel' and re-enter correct PIN.

16. Enter amount of cash required.

17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.

18. Retrieve cash and receipt.

19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.

20. Place receipt in back of cheque book.

21. Re-check make-up.

22. Drive forward 2 metres.

23. Reverse back to cash machine.

24. Retrieve card.

25. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the slot provided.

26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

27. Drive for 2-3 miles.

28. Release hand brake

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AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID,

"HONEY, 40 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT
21-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

NOW I HAVE A $800,000 HOME, A $65,000 CAR, A KING-SIZE BED
AND A PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 61-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.

IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.

SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GIRL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A
SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT?

THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS.

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As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for
all the emails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit
in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who
is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that
will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft
are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or
from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven
million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a
customer who died interstate.

And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails
to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling
up.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a
food sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I can't even pick up the five dollars I found dropped in the car park
because it was probably put there by a crazed axe murderer waiting
under my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10
minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on
your head and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back .

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber - and
it was on Good Morning Australia.

By the way.... did you know that a South American scientist has, after
a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who don't have
enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Regards,

Your friend

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• 1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
  
• Only 15 km
  
• Only first gear and reverse used
  
• Never driven hard
  
• Original tires
  
• Original brakes
  
• Original fuel and oil
  
• Only 1 driver Owner
  
• Wishing to sell due to employment lay-off
  
• Please see photo below.

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