* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

* SALMON DAY..
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
(This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH .
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so
the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* TRAMP STAMP
Tattoo on a female

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks

No related posts.

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID,

"HONEY, 40 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT
21-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

NOW I HAVE A $800,000 HOME, A $65,000 CAR, A KING-SIZE BED
AND A PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 61-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.

IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.

SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GIRL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A
SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT?

THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS.

No related posts.

As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for
all the emails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit
in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who
is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that
will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft
are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or
from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven
million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a
customer who died interstate.

And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails
to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling
up.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a
food sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I can't even pick up the five dollars I found dropped in the car park
because it was probably put there by a crazed axe murderer waiting
under my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10
minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on
your head and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back .

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber - and
it was on Good Morning Australia.

By the way.... did you know that a South American scientist has, after
a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who don't have
enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Regards,

Your friend

No related posts.

Answer the question before looking at the picture:

Why men are probably more patient drivers than women! Answer this simple traffic question.

Q:  You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, and come upon a bicycle rider. Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles, or do you break the law and pass?

At this point I should point out that most men would choose the correct answer.

A:  The answer is of course that you would not take an unnecessary risk but wait patiently?

If you are unclear why we would choose this option view the evidence at hand…

No related posts.