Feel free to text your Mobile Lunchtime Spam to 07846 890 632  (or if you are outside the UK on 0044 7846 890 632) and if it's not too inappropriate, we'll feature it on the site! SMS's will cost your carrier's standard rate.

Soon we'll also have facilities allowing you to txt friends and family content from the site too, so check back soon for updates!

No related posts.

Related posts:

1. RIP Margaret: Showdown at Mayday Hospital in Croydon

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

* SALMON DAY..
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
(This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE.
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND.
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH .
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so
the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* TART FUEL.
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* TRAMP STAMP
Tattoo on a female

* PICASSO BUM.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks

No related posts.

No related posts.

When the bubble bursts: The shampoo that Eva Longoria won't be endorsing

Burger Queen: Do you want fries with that?

Who wants to be a motorist? The £1million question

All aboard: Cost-cutting rail bosses take their inspiration from India

Wossy's green room: Can you spare £18million for a cup of tea, guvnor?

It'll be a knockout: London decides to host the 2012 five-ring circus

The new Apple iPhone: The sound is a bit tinny

Windows 2010: Technology with the write stuff

Down a gear: Jeremy Clarkson drives a bargain

No related posts.

DUE TO THE CREDIT CRUNCH, THIS IS YOUR NEW

NEW OFFICE POLICY - EFFECTIVE March 1, 2009

Dress Code:

1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Breaks:

• Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
• Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
• Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

No related posts.

Back Tie:

Bad Sun Burn:

Breathing In:

Double Teeth:

Googly Eyes:

Huge Croc:

Largest Man:

Long Dreads:

Loopy Ears:

Throat Ring:

Thunder Thighs

Twin Hotties:

No related posts.

*
*
*
*
From: Kyle Doyle
Sent: Wednesday, 27 August 2008 9:55 a.m.
To: Niresh Regmi
Subject: RE: Absence on Thursday 21^st 2008
HAHAHA LMAO epic fail
No worries man
Regards,
Kyle Doyle
Resolutions Expert - Technical

No related posts.

No related posts.

To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities we have conducted intensive behavioural studies to devise appropriate procedures for their use.

Please read the procedures which apply to you and remember them for
when you use our new machines for the first time.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Wind down your car window.

3. Insert card and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Wind up window.

7. Drive away.

PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine.

3. Re-start the stalled engine.

4. Wind down the window.

5. Find handbag, remove all contents onto the passenger seat to locate card.

6. Turn the radio down.

7. Attempt to insert card into the cash machine.

8. Open car door to allow easier access to the cash machine due to the excessive distance from the car.

9. Insert card

10. After "Invalid Card' is displayed? Remove Marks & Spencer Charge Card and Insert correct Cash Point Card.

11. Remove Cash Point Card.

12. Re-insert Cash Point Card the right way up.

13. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

14. Enter PIN.

15. Press 'Cancel' and re-enter correct PIN.

16. Enter amount of cash required.

17. Check make-up in rear view mirror.

18. Retrieve cash and receipt.

19. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.

20. Place receipt in back of cheque book.

21. Re-check make-up.

22. Drive forward 2 metres.

23. Reverse back to cash machine.

24. Retrieve card.

25. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder and place card into the slot provided.

26. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

27. Drive for 2-3 miles.

28. Release hand brake

No related posts.